Let’s Chat About Anxiety
Most days I can’t tell you why I feel the way I feel. I can’t tell you why I’m afraid to go into crowded places. Do they scare me? Absolutely.
Should I be scared of them? I don’t think so.
Should I be stressed to the point of making myself sick to go to a family gathering? A place where people love me and aren’t supposed to be judging me?
The answer is no. But am I? 100%.
I hate this for me.
I have spent hours on hours with a therapist.
I’ve spent hours scrolling Pinterest looking for motivational quotes to read about anxiety and how to change my thought process and patterns.
I spend time in prayer and in my Bible and I just can’t seem to get the help I need.
My last resort has been meditation and it works 75% of time time. Until I can find a new therapist or something else that can truly help me, I will be on the medication because on it, I can wake up in the morning without being in full panic. I can actually lay my head down at night and go to sleep.
Anxiety isn’t the same for everyone.
Some have minor cases and some have it much worse than me.
Most people will tell me “you need to change your thoughts.” “It’s all in your head.” “You need to calm down.”
You want to know something? I wish I could change my thoughts. I wish it wasn’t in my head and more than anything I wish I could calm down because let me tell you something. It’s not fun.
It doesn’t feel great to be in a full panic about going to see family feeling like my heart is about to come out of my chest.
It doesn’t feel great sobbing about getting in the truck for a weekend in the mountains. Isn’t that supposed to be fun?
On the bright side, I have an amazing support system. I met a friend on social media of all places and she has quickly become a best friend. She’s there when I need her. She understands and goes through similar things that I do. Kathleen is an amazing woman and mom. She’s kind, encouraging, full of love and always down to just chill at home on a bad day.
I have my mom and my dad who just simply are there when I need someone to chat with on the phone.
My husband. Ohhh my poor husband. I have never met a more patient man. When he has absolutely no idea what’s going on with me and I’m sobbing in the corner of my room going on about how I’m a terrible mom and wife, he still loves me. He comforts me. He tells me everything is going to be okay and holds me until I can breath again.
If you are dealing with anxiety and have similar feelings like I do, get yourself a good support system. Call a friend, your mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, me. Call someone you can just talk to because it helps. It helps to have someone who will just listen.
Someone who isn't going to try and fix everything you chat about but is genuinely going to listen. When we are in the middle of an anxiety attack we don’t need someone to fix our problems, we need someone to listen. Be a shoulder to cry on.
Someone who won’t judge us.
Feeling safe is everything to someone like me.